Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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