how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
