Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
