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just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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