She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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