I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
