In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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