thus making me awesome and them whores
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
