I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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