Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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