So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
