my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize