I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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