I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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