It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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