Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
