She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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