I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
