I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
