Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize