i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
