I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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