He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
