Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
