so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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