you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
