everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We need to rekindle our bromance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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