carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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