I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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