It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
