oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
