ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
