I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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