I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
