oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
