I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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