my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
