They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
