So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
