I didn't shave. On purpose
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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