with your own penis?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
