Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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