the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
