I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
