onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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