I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
