You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
