I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
