I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
