I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
