If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize