I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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