Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just tell him i said nine months
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
