Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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