oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
