Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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