That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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