the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize