My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
