I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
