found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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