Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize