every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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