Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize