I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
