if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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