there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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