i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
